


You got that milk money

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Description of battlefield, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Meet-Cute, Science Bros, There's a dragon at some point, extreme fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 22:10:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13867038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Bruce Banner's a normal guy (also part-time vigilante when he turns into the Hulk and works with Iron Man to save the world); and like any other man, he's got himself a crush.He's falling for the barista at the coffee shopAsgardnear his lab, a beautiful man by the name of Thor, who makes the best coffee in town (Tony says it's not a point worth arguing). Bruce's too much of a coward to talk to the guy, so he simply walks by every morning to order his drinks and tips him enormous amount of money.Or: The coffee-shop!AU the ThorBruce fandom didn't ask for, but got anyway.





	You got that milk money

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mad_marquise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mad_marquise/gifts).



> What’s a fandom without a thousand useless coffee shop!aus, am I right? I’m not? Well, here’s one anyway, hehe… Sorry not sorry! Dear hell, I can’t believe I wrote 8k of cute fluff and silly crushes who won’t confess because of reasons. Hope you will all enjoy it, or at least that it will brighten your day a little!  
> (yes the title comes from the song _MILF_ by Fergie, haha)
> 
> And of course, yet again, biggest thanks to [@mad_marquise](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mad_marquise) for her beautiful work on beta reading my stories and supporting my worried buttface. Please, _please_ go check her stories, they're really sweet and you'll love it. You're a rockstar, my friend!

**_Cream daddy_ **

 

 _Asgard_ is the best place to get your coffee in New York. _That’s not a point worth arguing,_ Tony Stark once said, because he himself wishes he could only drink _their_ coffee for the rest of his life — even though the guy has the latest, most performant coffee machines in the world installed in his kitchen.

 

Bruce thinks he’s just being an overdramatic drama lord as always — have you met the guy? He would cry over a beautiful painting and buy the artist’s entire collection. But that’s also one of the reasons Bruce loves working with him, his passion and eagerness are what he lives for.

 

So, Tony’s really the only reason Bruce has decided to check out the place. One morning, walking past the shop, Bruce stops by to try for himself what they’re serving. And if the coffee turns out to be an atrocity, at least he can bring some back for Tony as a kind gesture. He has time to spare, and he’s curious, anyway.

 

Well, is he disappointed? The extreme opposite. The coffee is divine, the tea is perfect, their cheesecakes are heavenly. And that’s not even the best part; what Asgard’s got that Bruce loves the best? Is the cutest, most celestial barista he’s ever seen.

 

The man is stunningly beautiful, in the most mainstream western understanding of the term; nobody would be surprised to catch him in a Dior ad. He’s tall, ridiculously muscular, white and tanned, with dark blond hair and eyes a light shade of blue. He’s gorgeous… He’s incredibly, really _unbelievably_ handsome.

 

 _This_ is the reason why he keeps coming to the shop. The mysterious and lovely guy is never at the register, he only works making the coffee orders; so they have never _actually_ talked, but simply seeing him everyday brightens Bruce’s simple little life. It’s silly, and kind of creepy… So he gives enormous tips each time he leaves the place, just to feel a tiny bit better about himself.

 

The cashier seems to catch the way he’s looking at the barista-slash-top-model because he’s always looking at him with a wide shit-eating grin. Bruce tries not to show his embarrassment, and simply tips them _even_ more.

 

Getting his coffee from his favorite place each morning always makes Tony feel rather elated, but he comes to realize something is off about his colleague. Bruce looks entirely too happy waking up earlier just to get them coffee — even if it’s the best in town, Bruce has never really cared about what he drank before. So Tony digs in, in secret, not asking Banner about what’s up because he knows the damn guy won’t spill the beans if pressured.

 

Tony observes him walk into the tower, coffees in hand, thoughtfully reading their names written on the cups. Sure, the handwriting is pretty enough, but surely he’d need something more than that to be so... _enamoured_ every day, right?

 

The next morning, Tony decides to go get his coffee himself at Asgard. Bruce enters the shop several minutes later, and patiently waits in line. He seems a little jumpy, but he’s such an anxious man that it’s kind of his default behaviour. When he’s in front of the counter, he orders patiently and then waits for his drink. And there Tony finally catches what has been on his friend’s mind: a bright, god-like barista, tall and blond with an ass of steel and shoulders for days. Jawline on point, lashes falling prettily over eyes as blue as the sky. The guy is an eleven, and Bruce is devouring him with his own eyes, hungrily observing each of his movements like a man ready to provide everything the coffee-guy would ask of him at the drop of a hat.

 

Bruce is _smitten_. Tony is so happy about his discovery that he can barely hide his gleeful laughter behind his cup. He always dreamed of playing Cupid in his school’s plays, but now he can be one in real life. Best day _of the month_ for sure _._

 

Meanwhile, Bruce continues to fall a little bit more for the coffee guy. He likes to watch him work his magic, handling the machines and products with expert hands and a comfortable routine. His moves are suave and controlled, he always smiles at his coworkers and at the orders he’s preparing. It’s like he’s pouring love into each of the things he creates; what’s not to adore about that?

 

Today, the smug-looking cashier has been replaced by a young woman, brown skinned, hazel eyes, hair tied in delicate braids, emitting a dangerous aura but in a very composed way. She doesn’t look happy to be working here, but seems ready to make the best out of it and not let customers crush her under the stress of forced politeness.

 

Bruce instantly takes a liking to her. She’s far more honest than the previous one — going by the name _Loki_ , if his tag name wasn’t a joke — and she is named—

 

“Valkyrie?”

 

“What’s up, doc?”

 

“Do I know you?”

 

“You’re one of our best customers, so I was briefed to be extra nice with you.” She bows at him with humor. “And no, that’s not my real name. The owner likes to give us Nordic, mythological names to make it all feel more _authentic._ ”

 

Well, that’s sort of odd but not unheard for. Banner smiles at her, rapidly embracing her frank camaraderie. “You can call me Bruce, by the way.”

 

“I’m Brunnhilde.” They exchange a handshake, both giggling for some reason. There isn’t much waiting line today, so after taking his order and the one from the person behind him, she comes back to talk with him.

 

“That’s Thor, the one who's making your drinks.”

 

“Ah… Not a real name as well, I presume?”

 

“Ah, it is, actually. Poor guy, he’s the owner’s son.”

 

That would explain why he’s been working here. Or maybe not, because Bruce doesn’t know anything about the guy and his motivations to do this job. He has no right to judge. He himself worked at a Starbucks for six years while working on his first three PhDs — and then he met Tony, who became his unofficial sugar buddy.

 

“What happened to Loki?”

 

“I don’t know. I heard he’s a nasty troublemaker, and not the best person to keep around for too long. I don’t think the dude’s been fired by his daddy, but maybe he was sent to boarding school or something.”

 

 _Wait, Thor and Loki are related?_ They look like complete opposites; gloomy, witchy twink versus solar, radiant bear-man.

 

“So you took his place?”

 

“Well, for now.” Brunnhilde shrugs it off, seemingly bored by the subject. “I’m not a big fan of _Asgard_ , but they’ve helped me in the past so I accepted to pay off my debt. It’s a decent job that pays okay.”

 

“What were you working on before that?”

 

“Ah… Selling stuff, I guess? I was working for a man… who liked to collect peculiar objects, and I was paid to find them for him.”

 

Bruce doesn’t press the subject further because his drinks are ready, so he has no more reason to be looming near the counter like a stalker. He catches the barista’s eyes while he’s leaving, and the guy gives him a huge smile and— _a wink?_

 

Oh dear lord, what just happened? He hears Brunnhilde’s loud laughter behind him when he almost runs into the door as he exits the shop. He’s mortified by the simple thought of being discovered. What if the man finds him strange? Maybe he’s annoying him in his work? But his smile seemed so genuine and kind…

 

Oh God, Thor is the most beautiful person who’s ever entered Bruce’s life. He doesn’t know what to do with this information, and tries all day long to avoid thinking about him and his playful gaze.

 

 

***

 

The beast’s got him trapped in his jaw, crushing his ribs while Thor’s trying to smash its teeth with his hammer. He’s not quite sure whose blood is wetting his armor the most, his or the monster’s, but he forces himself to focus on staying alive.

 

“Come on, Odinson, use your thunder tricks or something to knock it out!”

 

“Well, it’d be easier if I wasn’t being _eaten alive_ at the moment!”

 

“Hit it harder!”

 

“What do you think I am doing? Sunbathing?!”

 

A greenish smoke envelops them both, destabilizing the beast for several seconds, leaving the chance for Brunnhilde to jump on its back and escalades its tail to its face where she plunges her enormous sword into its left eye. The dragon-like creature screams in agony and finally drops Thor in its hurting. But before the god falls to the floor like a broken doll, two familiar arms catch him.

 

“Missed me?” Loki asks, smiling sly and venomous like a snake.

 

Thor mostly laughs out of disbelief. “Thanks, brother. We weren’t expecting your return for months.”

 

“Well… Who would have saved you, then?”

 

Brunnhilde, still at the monster’s head, gripping at the handle of her weapon for dear life, screams at them: “We don’t have time for your family reunion! Get your asses back in here and let’s finish off this shithead before the beginning of my next shift!”

 

The brothers look at each other, clearly amused, and run back into battle with the familiar feeling of victory rushing through their blood.

 

***

 

“Bruce, I got a riddle for you. Ready for it?”

 

Tony jumps on his buddy’s desk, smacking his ass against the metal of the furniture, smiling confidently and eyeing him mischiefly.

 

“Not really,” Bruce shoots back, not looking at him. “Did you finish working on Peter’s suit, by the way? I updated the internal system and the security protocols, but the web-launcher is still a little faulty on its target accuracy. And you promised him it’d be finished for the weekend.”

 

“Come on, you’re no fun! Science bros, remember? We’re a team! Please!”

 

“Alright… Talk to me.”

 

“What’s white on the outside, green on the inside, and has an enormous crush on a cute barista?”

 

Bruce sees red for a moment, from the blood rushing to his cheeks and the burning sensation of shame crawling everywhere under each centimeter of his skin. He finally gives his full attention to Tony, that motherfunker presently laughing his ass off at his expense. _Not cool bro, not cool._

 

“This doesn’t concern you.”

 

“Ah Brucie, come on! You knew I’d discover your little secret soon enough! You never gave a camel shit about coffee before, but now you know which brands are my favorite and how to make a pretty kickass cappuccino.”

 

“Did you spy on me?”

 

“Nah! ...well, I simply _happened_ to be at the coffee shop one morning while you stept in there and spend half of your time eye-fucking the smoking hot coffee man.”

 

“Oh my God, please, _stop_ , Tony… I’m embarrassed enough as it is.”

 

“I think it’s cute!”

 

“I think it’s a terrible idea and I feel like I’m creeping on the guy!”

 

“Bruce, bro, you’re too harsh on yourself. Just ask for his number, then you’ll know if he’s as into you as you are in his… _assets._ ”

 

Tony laughs even harder, hitting his fists on their workplace table, almost crying from hysteria. Bruce buries his face in his shoulders, shameful and also, a little bit sad.

 

“You know it’s impossible with the Hulk to, you know… Even _dream of_ dating someone.”

 

Stark’s laughs dies in his throat, becoming instantly serious. He goes to Bruce and places his hands on his shoulders, giving him a firm squeeze. “We’re working on that, buddy. I’m sure there could still be a way.”

 

“I don’t want any more people involved.”

 

“Alright. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

 

“It’s okay… That was kind of nice of you to get interested in my lack of love history.”

 

Tony lets out a dramatic, loud sigh, and replies: “Well, you know me… Where there are juicy secrets, I have to stick my nose in until I’m more involved than everyone else in the first place.”

 

Bruce laughs at that, taking one of Tony’s hands in his. Their friendship is dear to him. He finds peace in the strange balance they seem to have acquired, between their traumatic pasts, their scientific careers and their secret vigilante identities.

 

Nobody knows who Iron Man and the Hulk really are, and it’s better for it to stay that way for as long as possible. They want to save lives, not become superstars — even more so since they took Peter Parker under their care to prevent him from carelessly pushing himself into the vigilante lifestyle without proper training or back-up. There are enough rumors out there about them to fuel every fan’s wet dreams for _years._

 

Anyway, Bruce doesn’t want to be known to the public as a shapeshifter monster who fights terrorists and aliens’ invasions shirtless. He’s miserable enough as it is in his “normal” daylife, he doesn’t need the exposure of being famous for turning into a big, green, giant walking muscle-machine powered by rage and an urge to smash.

 

***

 

They barely make it out in one piece. Holes the size of tennis balls are covering Thor’s chest — he’s only alive because he’s non-human. Normally, he’d be annoyed about doing such a poor job of defending Earth — after all, The Revengers are the best of the best when it comes to self-proclaimed vigilantes. But today, he’s mostly glad to be alive.

 

He’s too tired to receive his dad’s moral lessons; he zones out and doesn’t listen to his litany of _“I told you to be less reckless”_ and _“you’re going to get us all expelled from this planet if we get discovered”._ He would have prefered a warm welcome, but his father isn’t made of that stuff.

 

Loki looks at him with annoyance, as if it was _his_ fault if the mission ended up so messy and life-threatening. The bastard went off to some garbage planet to do business with Valkyrie’s last boss, without leaving a note or a return date! If anything, the blame should be _on him._

 

When their father leaves their room — a tiny chamber with two beds, for them to rest between their human duties at the coffee shop and their secret heroic missions — the silence is almost unbearable. Loki’s glaring daggers at him, so Thor’s getting ready to receive real ones aimed at his face soon.

 

“Brother mine, stop it already with your mad face. We did our best!”

 

“What shitty best we can do, then!”

 

“ _You_ decided to leave me alone with Brunnhilde to endorse all of the Revengers’ duties! That was selfish, and childish!”

 

“Oh, _come on!_ You refused to ask for Heimdall’s help out of misplaced pride. If I didn’t come to save your arse, you’d be dragon’s shit by now.”

 

“Fuck off!”

 

“No, _you_ fuck off!”

 

The door gets knocked off the wall and falls to the floor with the loudest _bang_ the house ever heard. Brunnhilde appears, covered in bandages, fire in her eyes, and pretty much ready to kill on sight.

 

“If you royal brats don’t stop your bickering right now, I’m gonna smash your two skulls into one and sculpt me a new mug out of your combined bones. Is that clear?”

 

They both nod, quite sheepishly. She’s definitely way more terrifying when she’s sober, and since she hasn’t had a drink in five months now, they take her threats with the utmost seriousness. After the mission, she’d ended up with half of her ribs bruised and a nasty, broken arm.

 

“I’m missing work right now because of your stupid siblings’ games. So you better be nice to me for weeks, or else I’m quitting.” The three of them know it’s a blatant lie, but they also know they’d be screwed to the bone marrow if she finally decided to leave them.

 

“I miss Bruce.” She simply adds, anger tightening her voice. “And that’s on you _both_. So heal fast so I can go back to tease the living hell out of him, or else one of you will have to be my next victim.”

 

She leaves them in an even more tense silence. Thor looks at his bruised hands, wondering if he’ll be able to go back to his coffee orders soon. He also misses Bruce. The guy is the only human constant in his life, and the only admirer of his who hasn’t bothered him or tried to get into his pants yet. He’s joyful, always polite — even to Loki, which is a miracle. He’s brilliant and kind. Thor read half of Bruce’s academic papers one night when he was struck by insomnia, and he found himself completely fascinated by the human mind’s capacity for such complex and revolutionary creations.

 

But his secret identity keeps him from having any chance to start a romantic relationship. Plus, he’s kind of certain his hand’s already been promised to some distant space princess for when he becomes king and official guardian of Midgard.

 

Still, he misses Bruce. His kind eyes, his delicate hands, his poorly hidden attempts at flirting. Thor’s heart is soft when he looks at him each new day of the week. He secretly hopes he’s okay, and wonders if maybe Bruce misses _him._

 

“Your face is all red, brother. Stop dreaming about the nerdy serial tipper.”

 

“Don’t complain, fool. You love his money.”

 

“I do, but I hate seeing you happy more.”

 

It’s a silly lie, but Loki’s the type of guy who would prefer to die than to confess his emotions and his weaknesses. They’re both losers in the feelings department; it’s their father’s teaching, for sure. _Odinsons are universally known to be messy, kindhearted, dumb fools_ — those are their mother’s words, not Thor’s. But he couldn’t agree more.

 

***

 

“Welcome to Asgard, what can I get for you?”

 

Bruce doesn’t recognize any of the employees that day. Brunnhilde is nowhere to be seen; the cashier replacing her is a muscular guy with a thick, foreign accent, brown, smooth skin, and multiple tattoos of rocks and mountains on his forearms.

 

Thor… Isn’t there either. Instead of him, an even bigger guy is working at the machines, gorgeous as well — what is it with this staff? they all look completely _stunning_ — wearing a jacket embroidered with the name _Heimdall_ and two golden eyes.

 

Something doesn’t seem right. The other workers couldn’t have been all fired in one day… Right?

 

“Um, excuse me, but what happened to the usual staff?”

 

“They’re on vacation!” The cashier answers _way_ too fast. His eyes don’t meet Bruce’s. His name tag says “Korg”.

 

The whole situation smells fishy. Bruce leaves without his coffee and feeling quite unnerved. He’s worried, somehow. Something isn’t right but he doesn’t know how to find out what happened without feeling invasive or even more stalky.

 

He arrives at work with a gloomy face. Tony receives him with a hug and a pat on the back. “Good morning, big guy. Had a rough night?”

 

“Thor wasn’t there at Asgard this morning. He’s never missed a day of work before. I don’t know why, but it feels wrong. Like… Like something bad happened to him.”

 

Tony looks right into his eyes, silently reading something in them that Bruce cannot start to comprehend. Then his friend nods, smiling slightly, hugging him again.

 

“It’s okay, baby bro, I got you.”

 

“I’m older than you, Tony.”

 

“We will never know. I always lie about my age.”

 

His words makes Bruce laughs despite himself. He hugs him back a little harder, for reassurance. They part, and Tony begins to talk while walking to their shared kitchenette, pouring them two cups of coffee.

 

“I’ve already checked your crush’s web profiles. It’s quite surprising, but the guy has _literally_ no presence online. Slightly creepy, if I’m being honest.” Stark sips at his cup, humming the tune of Queen’s song — _Don’t stop me now._ “But his brother, Loki, is the complete opposite; a true drama queen, I swear the guy is on every social network starting shit with _anybody_ who dares cross his path.”

 

He finishes his first cup like it’s water and not black, strong coffee, pours himself a second one and continues his tirade:

 

“So this Loki Odinson is his adopted little brother. And he absolutely _loves_ to take embarrassing photos of his sibling. I didn’t show it to you so you wouldn’t be disgusted by the guy — your man may look good, but let me tell you, he eats like a goddamn animal and falls over himself at least once a day. Half of Loki’s Instagram stories are about Thor’s misadventures, it’s like a comics series, it’s almost addictive, you know?”

 

Bruce is captivated by what he’s hearing, on so many levels; Tony took the time to search them on the web, Loki’s an internet diva and documents his brother’s failures for exposure, Thor’s doesn’t have a _Facebook_ — the thought is simply too _weird_ for a man that handsome living in 2018.

 

“Anyway,” Tony continues, “I investigated a little bit more, because I’m never truly satisfied until I dig up the _real_ dirt, right? I actually found Thor’s single social account: he has a private Snapchat, under the name _Seductive_God_of_Thunder_. And he posts… boring as heck inspirational quotes about self-love and meditation. I swear the guy should be a yoga instructor at this point.”

 

“Oh, ok… That’s— that’s actually kind of nice? It’s cute, I mean.”

 

“No, bro, I swear it’s not. But that’s _not_ the real dirt, hell no. Are you prepared? Wait, no, first of all, promise me one thing: please don’t tell Peter what I’m about to tell you. Our boy is too much of a fanboy to know that his ultimate role model’s a barista by daylight and his future uncle-in-law.”

 

“What are you talking about— “

 

“Thor Odinson is _literally_ the God of Thunder, the guy with the spinning hammer, the glorious god who fights crime with his teammates The Revengers.”

 

“What— What are you _saying—_ ”

 

“You’re flirting with the concurrence, Brucie. Your dream man is a _literal_ god.”

 

“How— how did you find out? Are you sure?”

 

“Ah, of course I’m sure! The guy’s sneaky but I’m a genius, so I simply hacked his phone location and he’s always at the scenes of The Revengers’ battles. Last night, news reported a monster attack in Singapore, and guess who was there as well? I hacked his phone camera for extra proof and he definitely was not serving coffee.”

 

“But— Thor has short hair and no eyepatch!”

 

Tony spits his coffee so hard it also comes out of his nose. He’s trying to catch his breath, gripping at Bruce’s arms while coughing like a dying man. Banner doesn’t find any of this funny — but somewhere in his mind, a tiny voice whispers the idea that the Hulk won’t easily hurt a god, in the off chance that they started dating.

 

“Bro… Brucie, you almost killed me… I love you so much, you’re the best… So naive yet brilliant… I’m blessed by your companionship…”

 

“Ah— the wigs are their disguises, then?” Bruce starts piecing it together. “Loki also has short hair, while the sorcerer of The Revengers has got long, black straight hair… I assume Brunnhilde must be their latest additional member.”

 

“Yep— _Valkyrie’s_ in it too,” Tony confirms. “They’re hiding in plain sight, if I’m understanding their strategy right. Nobody would ever think that their barista looks like one of the heroes on their news feeds, so I guess that’s a pretty damn smart cover story they got there.”

 

It’s a lot of information to process. Bruce finally sits down, absently drinking his cold coffee.

 

“I can understand why he’d be hiding his true identity… But, now I can’t imagine myself going to _Asgard_ and having him make my coffee ever again.”

 

“Oh, come _on!_ You’d be punishing a decent local business _and_ me! Take some time to digest the news before taking such drastic decisions.” Tony sits at his feet, fluttering his stupidly long eyelashes at his friend. “Pretty please?”

 

Bruce hides his face in his hands, completely lost in his disbelief. _What even is his life?_ He feels like the protagonist of a badly-written romance novel…

 

...But does that mean he will finally have his happy ending?

 

***

 

Thor has been kept on bed rest for four _terrible, long_ days before being able to stand again and work his morning shifts at the coffee shop. He’s still officially off superhero duties until _all_ his injuries are completely healed — and for once, he’s not complaining. (He knows he’d fly into battle if needed anyway.)

 

He starts his machines, groans because Heimdall changed all his favorite settings and mug placements, and then opens the shop. He’s tingling with anticipation; today, he’s going to talk to the sexy doctor.

 

He’s missed seeing him, and doesn't want to relive the hell of not being able to send him texts or call him to hear his low voice get excited about nuclear physics — he eavesdropped like his life depended on it back when Bruce began to talk to Brunnhilde and befriend her.

 

Even though he had already been softly crushing on the man, Thor found him even more attractive once he learned more about him. His speciality field, his job and his occupations; sometimes he also talked about his lab partner, a somehow-famous Tony Stark — a quick google search mostly revealed paparazzis’ shots of him with models in beach parties _._ Bruce’s funny, bold, charming in a warm way. He seems to be a man who’s survived hard things in his existence, but only came out of it more determined to bring good things into this world.

 

(Thor is nearly in love at this point.)

 

Korg enters the shop minutes later to take his post as cashier — Loki is still resting in Norway, and Brunnhilde was called back to the _real_ Asgard to a Valkyrie meeting. He kind of feels lonely, because The Revengers are the fun part of his life and he doesn’t like to be separated from them.

 

“Hello, my friend!” Korg says with his joyful, familiar kind voice. “I’ve missed you, bud! How you’re doing?”

 

“I’m feeling much better. I’ve only got some scratches left.”

 

“It’s good to hear that! Man, it’s been since forever I’ve worked at the coffee shop.”

 

“Everything went well while I was gone?”

 

“Ah, yes, all was swell.” Korg goes to put on his cap, and opens the mini-fridge under the counter to get himself a bottle of apple juice. “Heimdall wasn’t very happy to be on human duties, but customers loved his coffee.”

 

“It’s not as good as mine!”

 

“I don’t know, I don’t drink coffee.”

 

Thor laughs slowly, watching mindlessly the clock in helpless impatience. Bruce should arrive in less than an hour. Electricity rises up his skin, and his hands keep fidgeting with the mugs near the machines. He’s no shy man, so he knows he can do it — he mostly hopes he’s not going to be rejected, at this point.

 

“One day, a guy asked why the _normal_ staff wasn’t here, but other than that…”

 

“Wait, _who?_ ”

 

“A tiny man, greyish curly hair, tight ass—”

 

“Hands off! That’s Bruce and he’s mine!”

 

“Aw, man, congrats! He’s your boyfriend since when?”

 

Thor trips on his own feet, spluttering:

 

“He’s not _yet_ my boyfriend! But we’ve got something special, _I feel it_.” He grabs at his chest, right over his heart, his eyes shining. Korg raises his hands before himself, backing off immediately.

 

“Wow dude, don’t worry! I know better than to come between true love!”

 

Thor hides in face in his elbow, his whole body burning hot. He’s going to die from embarrassment before even asking Bruce out, he’s such a _loser_.

 

***

 

Bruce doesn’t go to _Asgard_ that day. Nor the next few days. He’s pretty sure he won’t ever open their doors again, because he can’t grasp his head around what Tony told him. He drowns himself in work to try to keep his mind focused on technical things, hard, concrete experiments which don’t require any emotional investment from him.

 

Tony is so disappointed in himself for having told Bruce the truth about his man-crush. Sure, he knew his boy would probably be a little troubled, but not _that_ changed. He made a terrible decision, and he doesn’t know how to fix it. Bruce won’t even talk to him; he’s only dedicated to his work, growing more and more wary and tensed.

 

It’s like watching a bomb about to go off, but without the timer visible. Bruce seems about half a second away from Hulking out at any noise.

 

They need a mission ASAP before the big guy transforms and starts smashing half their beautiful lab — he wouldn’t forgive himself, nor would Pepper or Peter.

 

Fortunately, Tony has beautiful people in his life, and Rhodey calls him in the late morning about a terrorist attack in LA. “I’m already in place but I need back-up as soon as possible. They got cannons and rifles mixed with some strange tech — vibranium or alien shit, you’ll figure that out.”

 

“We’re on our way, please stay alive until we come save your pretty face.”

 

“Screw you too, lover boy.”

 

Bruce is on his feet as soon as the call ends. He says, through gritted teeth: “Let’s go.”

 

Tony prays all the deities he knows that their jet arrives in time before the Hulk simply loses it and jumps in the air. The tension is so heavy, it feels like it’s weighing on the whole plane. He’s already in suit, while Bruce is standing, fists tightly closed at his sides.

 

This mission sounds like a perfect stress relief exercise, but it also smells like shit — _what if the Hulk doesn’t want to change back?_ Tony lost him one time, and he swore on his life it would _never_ happen again. He cares about Bruce’s well-being dearly. He just needs to be confident, and trust him.

 

“Bruce?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Please be careful.”

 

“Of course.” His voice is dry, and his words sound like the exact opposite of what they’re saying. Tony takes one of his fists in his hand, and shyly murmurs:

 

“I’m serious. I know you’re not in the best state of mind, so please; do not let the other guy take full control.”

 

Bruce’s eyes soften as soon as he hears Tony’s scared voice. Quietly, he replies:

 

“I promise you. I won’t be careless.”

 

***

 

Well, they’re _screwed._ Tony’s suit is already at 60% damage, Rhodey is flying over them in all directions, trying to dodge fires aimed at him while taking down snipers, and the terrorists don’t only have alien tech, they also have _alien pets_.

 

The street is covered in alien creatures’ corpses, destroyed cars and pieces of buildings falling from the sky. It looks like an apocalyptic movie, and Tony is feeling completely out of his depth; he’s kind of _scared_ actually. The three of them are not enough.

 

He sees the Hulk smashing weapon after weapon, and he’s doing a pretty good job at slowing their enemies’ attacks; but with their alien dogs, there’re still a hundred surrounding them. Even with their powers, they can only do so much. JARVIS already sent out all the help calls possible to their superhero friends — Natasha left them on read, Clint is on a spy mission in Russia with Sam and Wanda, the Winter Soldier and Captain America are on their honeymoon _literally_ on another planet, T’Challa has been fighting for his throne for the past two weeks, and Peter and Shuri are in school ( _education first, kids!_ Plus, he wouldn’t bring them in a messy fight he couldn't win himself).

 

Thunder strikes in the middle of the battle, tearing a hole in the clouds and a crater in the road’s concrete. Of _freaking_ course!

 

“Thanks God for alien deities!” Tony shouts, fighting to get over to Thor and his teammates. He doesn’t recognize the others with him, two tall men, one made of rocks, the other with glowing, golden eyes and a huge sword — where are The _real_ Revengers? They look like a bootleg version of the actual thing. But for once, Tony knows better than to open his mouth.

 

“Iron Man?” Thor says, seemingly surprised. They thought they were on an exclusive fight? Too bad for them; a blessing for Tony.

 

“Oh I’m _so_ happy to see you guys!” He said though his mask’s speakers. “The Revengers, right?”

 

“Right… And you are?”

 

Tony can’t keep himself from laughing; “Please, call us The Avengers.”

 

The discussion is cut by a terrorist’s body dropping dead between them, thanks to Rhodey. That asshole aims like a genius, but he still could have hurt Tony. _Not cool_ , _man, you should be saving my ass!_

 

They separate from each other to cover different parts of the fight. They’re definitely more balanced at six warriors, plus the Revengers are _really_ good. One hit from Thor’s hammer can knock an alien out, the buddy made of rocks is a badass fighter, and the sword lord cleans up the terrorists’ troops with no effort.

 

Tony is so happy to not die today. He takes the opportunity of their help to go check on his friends; Rhodey is still in the air, but aiming at deactivating the planes above their heads. Good strategy, solid thinking. The Hulk, on the other hand…

 

He simply looks angrier, far more distressed. He’s smashing more than necessary, in the sense that everything that goes under his fists is seen as a threat. Tony has not the luxury to take him out of the field yet, but he’s almost sure it’s a sign that he noticed Thor’s arrival. Well, shit happens. They still need to survive. Once they secure the perimeter, Tony will take the proper dispositions. But he can’t right now… They really can’t. _I’m so sorry, buddy_ , Tony thinks to himself, _but we got to endure our misery today._

 

The number of enemies is dropping by the minute. Thunder is ringing in echoes across the whole city, the sky is dark and terrifying and the air is thick with electricity. It’s exhilarating, it runs deep into the bones and the blood — both the substance running under their skin and the one spilled on the streets.

 

It’s almost like watching a natural disaster in action, but also battling at its side. It’s like nothing else.

 

A new flash of lighting hits the ground so hard everybody falls due to the tremor — it feels like the earth itself is vibrating. _Damn_ it’s amazing to fight with real gods, Tony could get drunk on it.

 

Valkyrie appears from the smoke at the center of the strikes, glorious in her white and gold armor, hair flowing in the wind like a perfect movie actress. Everything’s so surreal right now, Tony already knows he’s going to loop the footage of this for days. He’s _such_ a fanboy for her.

 

She screams something he doesn’t quite catch, but mostly aimed at Thor anyway. The guy simply laughs in response. Tony is about to put his attention elsewhere when he catches Valkyrie walking to the Hulk with a menacing look of her face. Shit, does she think he’s the enemy too?

 

When you don’t know the guy, it could be possible to miss the signs, but still… He’s clearly smashing the baddies, right? _Right?_

 

The Hulk sees Brunnhilde at the corner of his eye, and snarls at her. He doesn’t want her to come near him. He makes the tiny man in it very anxious, and Hulk doesn’t like feeling uneasy. He likes anger and fighting. Being furious is good. Being moody is lame.

 

“Hey, big guy! Did I see you somewhere? Your face looks familiar.”

 

“Tiny goddess is wrong. Hulk never saw her.”

 

“If you say so, big guy. But I’m no goddess, you can call me Valkyrie.”

 

“I’m Hulk.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Hulk. Wanna let me smash along with you?”

 

He grumbles a little for extra dramatic effect, but he likes her. She’s daring, she doesn’t care if Hulk is big and scary. She’s _not_ scared. She simply wants to fight and have fun. Hulk likes her; they think alike.

 

He tosses bits of aliens to her and she cuts them as if she was holding a baseball bat. They both laugh and unconsciously, Hulk feels way more at ease. He even looks at Thor with sympathy. He likes fighting with the gods, it’s way more fun than with the two flying metal men. He feels free.

 

Tony studies their exchange from a distance and he’s… He’s totally shocked by what’s just happened. The Hulk bonded with Valkyrie in thirty seconds tops, while it took Tony _years_ to obtain a decent amount of trust from him. Not fair, but impressive. Even Thor is looking at them with a puzzled look; he then looks at Tony with quizzical eyes. Tony simply shrugs. All is working out, they’ve almost finished the clean-up so the city police can do the rest; honestly, he’s very satisfied by this day.

 

Rhodey comes back on the ground next to Tony, opening his helmet so as to be heard by both him and Thor.

 

“The sky’s clear. No more snipers or flying puppies. I think we’re kind of done here, right?” He takes a look at the Hulk and Valkyrie’s bonding moment, then adds: “What the hell is happening between them?”

 

“I think a gruesome friendship has just been born,” Thor murmurs.

 

Tony agrees with Thor’s words, and opens his helmet to reply:

 

“It’s actually kind of cute? They look like furious kids who just needed a good adrenaline rush and some cathartic fights.”

 

Tony realizes he’s fucked up once more when Thor looks at him with distress. He then realizes he didn’t actually show his face right until just now. The other doesn’t say a word but seems to be putting all the puzzle pieces together; who’s Tony Stark, who’s in his team, who the Hulk _could_ be.

 

 _“It that Bruce?!”_ Thor suddenly cries, pointing Hulk with his hammer. There is no more terrorist to defeat, so really he couldn’t be speaking about anybody else.

 

Tony feels trapped. And then really, _freaking_ tired, so he shoots back with an automatic tone of voice: “More or less, yes. So what? He knows who you are, too.”

 

In a second, Thor is gone from his field of view and running towards the Hulk. _Oh shit, Tony, you should have shut your pretty mouth once again—_

 

Then his mind goes blank. The scene before his eyes is even more abstract than all the previous events from the day. He’s so shocked he simply sits on a pile of garbage — maybe a corpse, at this point he simply doesn’t give a shit.

 

Thor is kissing the Hulk, full mouth, his hands on his face. Valkyrie is cheering at them. Hulk knocks out Thor with his fist, maybe to teach him the concept of consent. However, something must have clicked in him because he’s starting to change back.

 

Rhodey asks, _“What in hell is happening?”_ and Tony can only says back:

 

“True love’s kiss, I guess.”

 

Bruce wakes up in the middle of a devastated street. He really hopes the Hulk is not the reason for so much destruction, but he’s rapidly wondering why he’s awakening here. Hulk normally doesn’t change back until he’s in the privacy of the jet or the lab. He’s way too exhausted to stand up or care for his nudity.

 

He recognizes Brunnhilde next to him. He gives her a helpless smile, unable to find anything to say. On the other hand, she seems to be very happy to see him because she giggles like crazy and kneels at his level. She sounds way too excited when she hugs him.

 

“Bruce! You’re a superhero! You’re the Hulk?! Damn, I _knew_ I recognized that face from somewhere.”

 

“Hey…? Did… Did the fight went okay? Did the Hulk behave well?”

 

“The big guy is adorable. A real teddy bear.”

 

“You’re the first one to ever say that about him.”

 

“Well, I think he knew me from you, so that helped quite a bit.”

 

A rustling noise comes from a distance, distracting both of them from their reunion. They watch with attention a ashes covered Thor reappears from the ground, his face entirely covered in dirt. He fell head first, but still looks determined to obtain what he came here for.

 

He walks directly towards Bruce, taking off his red cape from his shoulders to put it on his. Bruce looks at him with wonder, lost in Thor’s eyes, drinking his image with his mouth slightly open. They seem lost in the moment, only seeing one another. The sky had become clearer once the battle calmed down, and the sun is now laying on their skin with a comfortable warmth. They’re beautiful, taken right out of a romantic painting.

 

“Bruce, I’ve been so worried about you. It’s been a week since you’ve come by the shop. Have I done something to upset you?”

 

“I— No, it’s—”

 

“I’m sorry I kissed you without asking you first.”

 

_“You kissed me?”_

 

“He kissed the Hulk,” Brunnhilde corrects them. They both turn their faces at her, as she slowly backs away, feeling way too much like the third wheel of the spaceship.

 

“I simply couldn’t forgive myself if I lost you again,” Thor finally says. “I missed your presence so dearly, I couldn’t keep my emotions hidden anymore.”

 

“You— You _like_ me?”

 

“I do. Will you please go on a date with me? Well, in my world this fight _would_ be considered a first date, but by Midgard’s standards, I’m not really sure it counts.”

 

“No, it doesn’t. But I would, _of course I’ll go on a date with you_ ,” Bruce says in a rush. “Dammit, we’re idiots, aren’t we?”

 

“I’m afraid you’re right, my dear.”

 

They finally kiss. Heaven, it’s _gorgeous._ They both taste like sweat and dust, their bodies are aching, the scenery around them is messy but the timing is divine. Their hands join in a sweet embrace, and they kiss again.

 

 _It’s about time,_ Tony thinks dryly, cheering the loudest he can from his point of view. Soon, Rhodey and the three others cheer with him. Their lives are messed up, but for once, it’s for the better.

 

***

 

“So…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Since when were you interested in me?”

 

Bruce cannot stop himself from giggling at the naive question. They’d decided to skip the boring dinner date plans and simply went home together at Bruce’s place — since Thor actually lives in Norway and on _real_ Asgard. Their dinner was three large pizzas, all vegetarian, green tea and a nice viewing of _What We Do in the Shadows._

 

They’re snuggled under the same cover, stealing kisses from each other, learning their own boundaries, desires and ways to express it. Bruce is reassured by Thor’s careful courting; they take the time they need, while not making it too formal or official. And to be honest, they have enough excitement in their lives already, so really a decent night of relaxation is kind of their common turn-on.

 

Bruce hides his face in Thor’s neck, laying down sweet kisses onto his skin, smelling the hair at the base of his neck and humming in contentement.

 

“I ...kind of instantly liked you.”

 

“So you wanted me only for my decent physical features, is that so? You’re a vain man, darling.” Bruce laughs at that stupidly false outraged complaint, brushing his hands against his lover’s chest to feel under his fingertips the steady rhythm of his heart.

 

“Don’t be a hypocrite, coffee boy. You _winked_ at me!”

 

“I was only trying to be seductive. I needed to express to you the reciprocity of my attractions.”

 

“You kind of did a shitty job at that.”

 

“I kind of did, indeed.” He tickles Bruce for his mean remark, while also covering his face in caresses and kisses. “You know, I was really heartbroken when you stopped coming to the coffee shop. I love the routine of this cover job, the habits I have, the recipes I know by heart… You became one of my favorite habits.”

 

The confession hits Banner right in his insides, pleased to an extent he never knew existed until now.

 

“Ah… I just kind of freaked out when Tony told me out of the blue that you were the freaking, legendary _God of Thunder.”_

 

“You can call me _seductive_ God of Thunder, if you’d prefer.” Thor flutters his eyelashes in a silly attempt at being cute and flirty. “And I’d call you The Incredible Hulk.”

 

“Oh, please don’t. Don’t tell me you fantasize about the big guy? Because let me tell you that’s: one, a deal breaker,” Thor laughs sweetly at that, and Bruce tastes the sweetness at his lips in a brief kiss, “and two, there are already a large fanbase lusting after him who would love to see him drop his pants, for whatever reason.”

 

“Damn it, Bruce, you’re a very desired man. Will I have to fight for your hand?”

 

“ _Bruce Banner_ doesn’t receive as much as interest as the Hulk. So don’t worry yourself about that.”

 

“You’re clever but blind, my darling, as everyone looks at you with hunger in their eyes.”

 

“Ah, stop it, I’m already all yours, you don’t have to win me over anymore with worthless compliments.”

 

Thor hugs him, smile so wild it’s brightening his whole face; he still has his eyepatch on, because he’s actually blind in that eye. Learning the simplest facts about him makes Bruce’s heart melt in the most exquisite way.

 

“Well, if you’re all mine… I can only give all myself in return?” Thor offers, half joking, half as sincere as a man with nothing else to live for.

 

“It’s basic politeness, at this point,” Bruce replies with a comforting expression, his eyes closing from contentement.

 

They struggle to kiss while laughing, ending up making out on the couch like young lovers. But oh heaven, they each had dreamed of moments like these for a long time; mindlessly being themselves with someone else without having to pretend or hide their secret identities. The universe couldn’t have found a better match for Thor, he confesses to himself. A beautiful, incredibly smart man, tiny enough to fit in his grizzly grip but stronger than him so he would never hurt him inadvertently. He feels so lucky and warm inside; if love is the feeling he gets from Bruce, he’s ready to accept it and be deserving of his reciprocal affection.

 

Bruce looks at him as lovingly. He feels incredibly good under Thor’s care and his protective arms, reassured in the feeling that he can protect himself from the Hulk’s extreme strength; he also cherishes the idea that the big guy will be able to protect him on the battlefield as well. They’ve found a great balance in their compromises. They're pieces completing a larger, beautiful artwork.

 

“Do you think you could show me your bedroom? You know… Just like a tour of your house?” His false innocence can only makes Bruce smiles widder, arousal raising at the bottom of his spine like a ancient fire brought back to life by magic. He’s going to _ravish_ this man with all he’s got—

 

 _“Incoming call from Tony Stark,”_ JARVIS screams from his coffee table. Shit, at this hour? Could be trouble, or an emergency at the lab—

 

Thor’s cellphone is ringing at well. They look at each other, then at the information coming in; a new dragon-like beast has appeared on the east coast of China. _Cockblocked by superheroing, who would have guessed?_ A similar thought must have crossed Thor’s mind, as he’s angrily putting on his wig and his armor.

 

“Bruce?”

 

“Hm?”

 

He’s packing a bag with a change of clothes for his after transformation, and some bombs hidden under his mattress.

 

“You ever flown by thunderlight?”

 

“What?! You travel like that?”

 

“Yep. Want me to give you a ride?”

 

“As long as I have the right to ride you in the bedroom later, we got a deal.”

 

The burning kiss Thor offers him only adds up to his excitement. Fighting alongside his barista-slash-boyfriend? Definitely a fun adventure to live.

 

“I’m going to keep you in bed for days, my dear.”

 

“As long as you bring your coffee skills with you, I’ll stay under your care for as long as you will have me.”

 

Thor’s fondest smile softens Bruce’s belly even more than before. They’re unbelievably, unbearably adorable. And they couldn’t care less about it.


End file.
